Monday Motivation: Tolerating Other Opinions (October 28, 2024)

This week you have almost no chance of avoiding people who disagree with you. Here are some strategies for promoting peace of mind.

Between the upcoming elections in the US and the ongoing wars in the Middle East, Europe, and Africa, this week you have almost no chance of avoiding people who disagree with you about something you all care fiercely about. But the disagreements don’t have to be a source of conflict. Here are some ancient perspectives to promote peace of mind.

Confucius is the place to start, with his plea for harmony without conformity:

“Confucius said: A noble person seeks harmony but not conformity. A petty person seeks conformity but not harmony.”¹

Are you trying to convince people to agree with you (seeking conformity)? If so, stop it. Instead, seek harmony. You gain nothing by trying to get people to agree with you.

This approach seems so obvious to most people when it’s phrased like this, yet most people still have tremendous difficulty putting it into practice. Now’s the week the start.

The Roman playwright Terence put it in a broader context that may help:

“I am human. I consider nothing human alien to me.”²

Whatever opinion you hear is — like it or not — as human as your own, no matter who is right. Disagree with the opinion if you wish, but do not demean the person espousing it.

The early Roman poet Ennius gives us a particularly good reason to look for harmony and to respect people around us, especially now:

“A true friend is revealed in uncertain times.”³

These are uncertain times. People need a true friend, not a sparring partner.

Plato weighs in:

“For it is clear that one who honors justice by nature and not through pretense, and who truly hates injustice, does so even in the context of people with whom it would be easy to act unjustly.”⁴

If someone takes a position that you think is easy to attack, don’t attack it.

Laozi goes a step further:

“The highest good is like water. Water benefits many things without contention.” ⁵

It's a little esoteric, and perhaps hard to keep in mind during a fierce debate, but the point is that water adapts and is therefore the highest good. You too can adapt.

As is so often the case, Seneca sums it up:

“Soon we will release our last breath. In the meantime, while we are still here, while we are among humans, let us cultivate humanity. Let us not cause fear or danger to anyone. Let us dismiss losses, injuries, insults, and petty grievances. With great spirit let us endure brief discomforts. While we are looking back, as they say, and turning around, soon death will be upon us.”⁶ (my emphasis)

We are among humans — at work, at home, everywhere. Cultivate humanity.

Have a good week.

1. 子曰：「君子和而不同，小人同而不和。」 Analects, Book 13, Chapter 23, 5th c. BCE.

2. “Homo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto.” Terence, Heauton Timorumenos, Act 1, scene 1, line 77, 2nd c. BCE.

3. “Amicus certus in re incerta cernitur.” Ennius, quoted in Cicero’s De Amicitia 64, 1st c. BCE. (This is difficult to translate well, because the Latin words for "true," "uncertain" and "revealed" all sound similar.)

4. “Διάδηλος γὰρ ὁ φύσει καὶ μὴ πλαστῶς σέβων τὴν δίκην, μισῶν δὲ ὄντως τὸ ἄδικον, ἐν τούτοις τῶν ἀνθρώπων ἐν οἷς αὐτῷ ῥᾴδιον ἀδικεῖν.” Laws, Book 6, 777d, 4th c. BCE.

5. 上善若水，水善利万物而不争. Tao Te Jing, Chapter 8, 6th c. BCE.

6. “Iam istum spiritum exspuemus. Interim, dum trahimus, dum inter homines sumus, colamus humanitatem. Non timori cuiquam, non periculo simus, detrimenta, iniurias, convicia, vellicationes contemnamus et magno animo brevia feramus incommoda. Dum respicimus, quod aiunt, versamusque nos, iam mortalitas aderit.” De Ira III 43.3, 1st c. CE.